High School Follies, Ch. 5

Mr. Benislav? I was hoping we could have a chat in my office. Please come over after your last class.

Sure thing, Ron. The good kind of talk, I hope. Lots of performance enhancing compliments.

Just be in my office.

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What's up, Mr. Benislav?

Oh, nothing Natalie. Just had a weird run-in with Mr. Tenner. I might have gotten myself in some trouble somehow. Maybe because I didn't bring my geography class to the assembly. No matter, they're better off for it and he damn well knows it. So, did you find anything for me?

I got a nice infographic from the UN-

Scum

-on hunger on Somalia.

A graph they no doubt spent all their time and money on. How nice. What about that thing Crystal was yammering about yesterday? About surgeon general warnings.

Yeah, I've got a few links to a recent study that suggests that she's right, warnings result in more smokers. Increases the appeal, I guess?

You know what they call that? The avuncular state.

Oh, also. I already told Mr. Tenner and Mrs. Kaylon but I thought you'd want to know. I was walking over here after my geometry class, passing through the palms, hoping your horde had already made their exit-

Watch it now-

-and while approaching I see this guy who's clearly too old to be a student but is also clearly trying to pass for one. And he's hovering around your class, like he's waiting for something.

I don't think I like this

-uh huh, so I ask him, perfectly composed but basically Hey Buster, can I help you? I'm a TA for this teacher, ya know. So what do you think he asked about. Your little law tribe. Just told him I was going to get security. Soon as he left, I saw Mrs. Kaylon walking by the assembly hall. We went off to tell Mr. Tenner.

Oh Jesus. You didn't think that might be what Ron- alright, did he look like a reporter.

Like I know what a reporter looks like. Want I google that? And for the record Mr. Tenner wasn't angry, just confused. Anyway wouldn't a reporter better than, like, a lawyer? Mrs. Kaylon and I got to considering that-

Natalie honey, I'm a lawyer! If Mr. Tenner tries to shut down the Bleacher High Gentleman's Law Club, then he'll need a lawyer to protect himself. From me.

So you'll still support those limpdicks-

Natalie, now don't get emotional. I support the free exchange of ideas and I know that you do too.

But they're paralyzing the school. A dozen students shouldn't be able to dictate to the school what kind of dances it throws or what kinds of fundraisers or what speakers get invited. That has nothing to do with ideas. Whatever you think about their ideas and I really hope you don't really believe that stuff about feminazis for your sake but still, it's not about ideas. It's powere relations. They've got too much of a say. They believe they're so important and they deserve so much that they're supposedly not getting and it's bad enough we let them get away with it like they really are the silverback alphamale cocks of the walk they pretend at. The school shouldn't cave in. That's irresponsible. It sets a bad precedent. You guys are training an army of pricks. Limpdick pricks in fact, because I stand by that adjective.

Well, they do have their rights. And one of those rights is the right to argue their case. If they can make a convincing argument and attract enough support for their cause, then so be it. If it means silly traditions and well-intentioned but deeply flawed attempts at alleviating alleged ills done to women, especially, say, if these attempts are the products of a liberal, let's say, superciliousness well then all the better. And if you have to resort to vulgarity to rebut their argument, well...And besides, what's wrong -on a mature and rational level please- with the club really, and watch the language. I mean sheesh.

Is it vulgar for me to wish your wife gives you a good backhand-

Boy you know what I give you a chance, I treat you like-

-no no, listen, hear me out because if she heard what your kids were saying. They're more than fine with hitting women. More than fine. You know what they say about wife-killers. They're "winners in a world of fail" I've been trapped here typing up your study guides while they go on and on and on about how sad it is that husbands who off their wives so often end up killing themselves. That it's a tragedy someone so committed to the cause is lost like that.

And they're obviously kidding. You need to stop being so sensitive, Natalie. But you know what, I'd rather get this sorted out sooner than later. I'm going to be in the principal's office. If period 5 shows up before I'm back just hold the fort, okay. Quiz them on the Reconstruction. Oh and by the way, you need to stop hanging out with that closet leftie Shonte. Took me a moment to realize where that talk about power relations was coming from. You'd have made a better point if you didn't fall back on Marxist cliches. Okay, I'll be back.

TO BE CONTINUED...