High School Follies, ch. 1

The Bleacher High Gentleman's Law Club was first formed by sophomore Dustin Myers early last year at the suggestion of his father, Brent Myers, a well-known attorney well-known primarily as an outspoken & ardent promoter of respect for Law and Man. His history of lawsuits against "ladies nights" and other "egregiously patent examples of systematic reverse discrimination on a national level" which have granted him a profitable notoriety suggest that his emphasis is decidedly on the men-promotion. Not that anyone could so much as suggest it at a school or community gathering without embarking on a shouting match. Not that anyone who isn't already among his choir would bother saying anything to him on any subject in the first place. The man's collected quite the enemies list. Even the conservative city council dreads his attendance at public meetings. Understandable given the lawsuits he's shot like automatic rounds of rubber darts in every direction in the hope that one or two will stick. The Chamber of Commerce considers him a menace to capitalist enterprise. When Chuck's mirror & glassware shop on Pierce Ave. was handing out pink ribbons to little girls to promote breast cancer awareness Myers made the biggest and silliest stink a grown man is capable of, which of course entailed manly threats of a courthouse beatdown. The next day when Chuck relented & handed him a ribbon, Myers made an ostentatious show of tossing the ribbon down to the ground because, he loudly noted, if testicular or prostate cancer doesn't merit a ribbon then neither does breast cancer. He'd be universally detested were it not for the membership of the Bleacher High Gentleman's Law Club, to whom he's a hero.

Teachers are starting to talk. Some of their brightest students are developing an annoying habit of being arrogant, insulting dickwads. The principal is fielding complaints from teachers and librarians of sexual harassment at the carefully, pointedly un-grabby hands of sixteen year-olds. The student body is predictably oblivious. Most of the male population is either not interested in or not worthy to join the Bleacher High Gentleman's Law Club. It seems the uninterested are carelessly crushed deep under the cover of their own complacency, whereas the merely uninitiated are almost as obnoxious as the club members, only lacking the style and grace to be truly repugnant as opposed to slightly repulsive. The female population is enamored with the deep and mysterious down-putting gaze of the alpha males. This new social order is stable and enduring. There may not be anything that can be done.

In Mr. Benislav's class, (he being the only teacher supportive of their mission), the Bleacher Gentleman's Law Club enjoys their meeting:

"The matriarchy's whipped mankind into submission & yet I still hear the whores in geometry complain that they can't find a good guy. No one is ever good enough for these over-entitled girls. No wonder they can take the whole baseball team in one sitting. They're just trying to find the right guy." "Well it goes without saying that they're morons." "True story. And of course, if you got around like the girls at this school do you'd be a douchebag. All the scrawny, limp dick beta males would say so so it must be true. I mean, they know everything don't they?" "You mean Ryan, right. Ryan fits the trope to a tee. Heard him trying to talk up Kate Neston by raving about some pretentious indie band and I'm like, see, see, don't bitch about us just because we can get laid because you see? You do it to yourself, you boy bitch." "Did you really tell him that? Someone's got to explain the difference between a boy and a bitch to him before he's stuck straddling the line." "Say, those girls? You said they were in your geometry class, right?" "Yeah. Samantha something and I think the other one was Brigette" "Get their next test scores. I want to compare math grades by gender."

"Hey, I've been wondering. How do you guys feel about Sadie Hawkins?" "Well, it's PC bullshit meant to keep girls happy." "Psychobabble perpetrated to empower women like they aren't in power already." "Crap, plain and simple. We don't have some specially sanctioned dance wherein we're in charge. Where's the man's analogue." "So then I'm wondering...think it's illegal?" "Clearly it's illegal, that's not up for debate. What matters is whether we could convince some bitchified PC brigadier court. Remember, in this day and age facts and truth don't matter. Everything's relative..." "Relative to women, you mean." "True story, yeah. Double standards are standard ontology, it's not up for debate. But the hiveminds pushing their matriarchal propaganda take that as the natural order. Natural order's been fucked like a slut and the court is the whorehouse. No one denies this." "Look, equal protection clause. There you go. Because any sexual advance is hostile action and assault, according to the leading feminazis, so why are men allowed to be violated. It's bordeline rape. Court would have to be schizo to reject that logic." "C'mon guys. You're serious? Everyone serious about this? Alright then, easy enough, I'm gonna call my dad. Shit like this is why he went to law school. He'll know how to argue this." "No no no, this is ours. Your dad gets all the fun. If anyone's going to take this school down it might as well be us. Have you heard what some of the teachers have been whispering like some covenous conspiracy about us? The Bleacher High Gentleman's Law Club has made a name for itself. I say we justify it."

TO BE CONTINUED...